Dear Chrys

Dear Chrys: Jealous Lover, Feeling Left Out and Never Been Kissed

Screenshot 2018-05-22 at 7.27.51 PMDear Anonymous, 

First step: realize that this isn’t your fault! From what I gather, your significant other has some deeply rooted insecurities that they might be imposing onto you. If you haven’t done anything wrong then you have nothing to worry about. This is an issue that they need to fix internally and with you by their side.

That insecurity comes from fear; they are fearful of you being dishonest and your actions as a result of your dishonesty. They ultimately do not want to be hurt and in doing so, they might be hurting you by becoming too clingy and not letting you breathe. Still, being in contact with your ex’s should not be a reason for people to be jealous but it sometimes happens. You should sit down with your partner and explain to them that you are faithful to them and only them (should you be in monogamous relationship). If they trust you, it shouldn’t matter who you hang out with because you are their significant other, and that should be enough for them.

 

“If they trust you it shouldn’t matter who you hang out with because you are their significant other, and that should be enough for them.”

 

Step two: set boundaries! If your partner isn’t comfortable with you being, lets say alone with your exes, then you should talk about what that means. It’s important to listen to their fears and worries and help soothe them, but you should not be limited by their insecurities.

Just because you respect and care for someone does not mean you have to live a life with unnecessary restraints.

Love, Chrys

 

Screenshot 2018-05-22 at 7.28.48 PMDear Raine,

I can totally relate to your predicament. It’s personally difficult for me to meet new people and make new friends because of anxiety.  I often feel left out of things. Most of the time it’s because of my own doing. I say no a lot to hanging out or isolate myself from the conversation, in turn they didn’t ask me to do things because they think I’ll say no. This leads to the cycle of never truly feeling like apart of a group that has their own thing going on. A lot of it was in my head because how I fixed this was going against what my head was saying.

I sat my friends down and talked to them about how I was feeling because they aren’t mind readers, even if I felt that I was giving all the right cues, such as isolating myself to show I was feeling left out.

Raine, you have to take control of your friendships, and more broadly your life. If they don’t like you and just keep you around for whatever reason their sick minds think of, then fuck them. Nobody in this world deserves to be strung along by people who don’t value the beautiful human in them.

 

“You have to take control of your friendships, and more broadly your life.”

 

It might be scary now but imagine all the hours you could save yourself if you stood up for future you. And if they do care about your involvement in your friend group, then this is great! It means that they’ll take consideration of your feelings and make more of a conscious effort to include you in things. Should this be a lesson in friendships, do not let anyone  walk all over you. There are different types of friends, but people who don’t have your interests at heart should never be friends of yours.

Love, Chrys

Screenshot 2018-05-22 at 7.28.22 PMDear Kaya, 

My sophomore year of high school I felt the same way Kaya, but in a totally different situation! I’m a very sexually open person so I was giving all of my friends advice and tips like I was their personal Planned Parenthood. And spreading my knowledge was very empowering for me, but after coming out of a emotionally and mentally abusive relationship, I was a little bit desperate for someone to care for me. I was only 16 when I thought of this and I was feeling as if time was running out. I believed that I had to be with someone when my only real responsibility was to go to school, and though being in a relationship with someone might be really magical or whatever, it was just a bonus.

 

“I was feeling as if time was running out and that I had to be with someone when my only real responsibility was to go to school, and though being in a relationship with someone might be really magical or whatever, it was just a bonus.”

 

Along with spending more time outside or with my friends, I started to introduce myself to people who I could potentially want to date. That special someone wasn’t going to fall on my lap if I really wanted one. Having your first kiss or your first time with someone is first and foremost suppose to be a comfortable experience for everyone involved. You shouldn’t feel pressured to do anything because there isn’t a time limit, it may feel like it for sure. As cheesy as it sounds when the right person comes along for all your firsts, you will feel so grateful because you did it on your own terms and not to fulfill some social pressure from your friends.

Love, Chrys

DEAR CHRYS 1 (1).jpg

Art by Naeema Uddin

Send your concerns to Chrys’ advice column here

Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s